Super Mario Brothers The Movie from May 28, 1993, is a terrible movie. It stars Bob Hoskins as Mario and John Leguizamo as Luigi. This is my review of the movie.
I know I'm supposed to be reviewing this movie, but it's hard. There are so many things wrong with Super Mario Brothers The Movie that I don't even know where to begin. How about at the beginning? The first thing you need is a good storyline, and this movie has no plot. It just jumps from one scene of randomness into another without any kind of flow or structure whatsoever!
The other problem in my opinion is that it was live action instead of animation. All movies based on video games should be animated! But I digress; let's move on to what actually matters here which is the story itself. Super Mario Brothers The Movie starts off with two plumbers named Mario and Luigi who are fixing people's plumbing problems. One day they go to fix a leaky pipe at Michael Jordan’s New York City hotel room.
To tell you the truth I wasn't expecting to see Michael Jordan in this film. He played himself, but he didn't do much more than walk around shirtless for about five minutes. At least we got some eye candy for me to masturbate to. Anyway back from our tangent now because there isn't really anything else of interest going on. After fixing MJ's pipes they head to their next customer.
That would be president Bill Clinton! Yes, that same one from TV! We learn that Mr. Clinton was having trouble with his bathtub, as he stood in his underwear while playing his saxophone. Another highly inappropriate scene for the children out there! When will someone think of the children?! Bill Clinton in his underwear was making me feel all hot and bothered as I watched the movie.
It made me wish I was Monica Lewinsky while giving him head. My Gen Z significant other just doesn't understand me. Oh well; my life is empty so what does it matter? But anyway, after fixing President Clinton's tub Mario and Luigi get another job from God Emperor Time traveling Donald J. Trump. It seems that he was getting ready to play golf against the Loch Ness Monster and had a small problem with the plumbing at one of his hotels.
I chanted 'Orange Man Bad' at the movie whenever Trump was in a scene. I used so much emotional labor that day. My Gen Z significant other just rolled their eyes and said I was being childish. They're part of MAGA so their opinion doesn't matter anyway. And on top of everything else, I started crying during this whole scene thinking about all the marginalized groups who have been oppressed by Evil Orange Man.
But enough about politics! Let's move on to the actual plot. The plumbers go to fix the hotel's golden bathroom. As they start fixing the sink, it turns out that Trump was actually Mecha Hitler in disguise this whole time. This makes sense since he's an evil misogynistic racist who wants to take away disabled fat black transexual lesbian women's rights. So it's no surprise that he's the ultimate super Nazi.
This scene is very offensive to anyone who's ever suffered under the oppression or fear caused by Nazis! I felt like I needed to go on a rant about how much this film offended me! I could go into detail about the many ways this film is sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ableist, classist, bigoted, Islamophobic, etc. But I won't because this review is supposed to be about Super Mario Brothers The Movie! After defeating the disguised Mecha Hitler with their plumbing tools, the plumbers go back to fixing people's pipes.
The next person they visit is Elvis Presley. Who faked his death on the toilet from a drug overdose. He wanted everyone else to believe he died, but he actually survived. He goes on to be an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. Mario and Luigi then go to fix the king of rock and roll’s plumbing.
Rumors say that you can see the ghost of Elvis on Halloween night. But it's actually just a hologram. I hope you enjoyed this little factoid about this film, but now let us move on to the main plot. Mario and Luigi then run into Bill Murray who is trying to stop Ghostbusters 3 from being made. He thinks it should've ended with the first movie and he plans on making sure a third one is never made.
You know, I actually agree. I think the original movie was perfect. Why did we need a sequel? I thought the second one sucked. I don't want to see any more. Anyway, the point I'm getting at here is that the Super Mario Brothers The Movie is a terrible movie.
Like seriously, it has no plot at all besides random scenes of non sequitur nonsense. The movie ends on a cliffhanger. You'd expect to see a proper ending, but instead, you get Bill Clinton in his underwear playing the saxophone in his bathroom again. Then the credits come up and you realize you wasted your entire life watching this trash. Now I'll end this review with my final thoughts.
Super Mario Brothers The Movie should not exist. I hated every minute I spent on this film. It was a waste of my life. I hate this film. I give Super Mario Brothers The Movie a 0/10!
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